Jokes

What can I say? It doesn't fit above, put it here. Also the location of board rules/info.
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hubris_incalculable
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Re: Jokes

Post by hubris_incalculable »

eldin raigmore wrote:
Trailsend wrote:At an ASL meetup last night, I discovered that one must be careful, in ASL, when one wishes to complain that most pizzas are not vegetarian, lest one end up complaining that most lesbians are not virgins.
:!: [:O] [O.O] [O.o] [o.O] :wat: :?: :!:
Needs more seizure face.

[D;] [D;] [D;]
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Ànradh
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Re: Jokes

Post by Ànradh »

Trailsend wrote:At an ASL meetup last night, I discovered that one must be careful, in ASL, when one wishes to complain that most pizzas are not vegetarian, lest one end up complaining that most lesbians are not virgins.
*splutter* Quoi? :P
Sin ar Pàrras agus nì sinne mar a thogras sinn. Choisinn sinn e agus ’s urrainn dhuinn ga loisgeadh.
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Torco
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Re: Jokes

Post by Torco »

did get it neither
ol bofosh
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Re: Jokes

Post by ol bofosh »

No one speaks ASL then? Nor I. I'm sure it would look funny if we saw it... and understood it.
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eldin raigmore
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Re: Jokes

Post by eldin raigmore »

ol bofosh wrote:No one speaks ASL then? Nor I. I'm sure it would look funny if we saw it... and understood it.
I took some lessons in it, but lapsed before I really learned that much.
We didn't learn a bunch of those words.
It was for church, so "Virgin" should have come up.
"Lesbian" should not have come up.
"Pizza" was a strong possibility, I guess, but I don't think it actually came up. Maybe I just didn't hang in long enough.
"Vegetarian" perhaps not as strong, but still strong-ish; but again it didn't come up.

For some reason we did learn "orgasm"; as I recall it was to avoid confusing it with something similar.
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Lambuzhao
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Re: Jokes

Post by Lambuzhao »

Here's a slightly ribald, funny one. An ex-girlfriend of mine told me thissun. My dad gave it a good chortle when he heard it, too.

Must be said with thickest Scottish accent -

This Scottish farmer walks into the neighborhood pub, and orders a whiskey.

"Ye see that fence over there?" he says to the bartender. "Ah built it with me own two hands! Dug up the holes with me shovel, chopped doon the trees for the posts by me ownself, laid every last rail! But do they call me 'Angus the Fence-Builder?' No..."

He gulps down the whiskey and orders another wee dram. "Ye see that pier on the loch?" He continues, "Ah built it me ownself, too. Swam oot into the loch to lay the foondations, laid doon every single board! But do they call me "Angus the Pier-Builder?' No."

Another whiskey, and aulde Angus goes on, "That boat outside, lad, aye, built that meself too! Ah chopped doon the tree, dried and warped the wood, nailed it and tarred it with me bare hands! But do they call me Angus the Boat-Builder? No!"

"But ye fuck ONE sheep ..."
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MrKrov
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Re: Jokes

Post by MrKrov »

A great while ago in some other thread, someone asked about jokes in languages where the adjectives come after nouns and Systemwang made a snarky reply (perhaps to someone else). What was that thread?
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kiwikami
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Re: Jokes

Post by kiwikami »

Lambuzhao wrote:Here's a slightly ribald, funny one. An ex-girlfriend of mine told me thissun. My dad gave it a good chortle when he heard it, too.

Must be said with thickest Scottish accent -

This Scottish farmer walks into the neighborhood pub, and orders a whiskey.

"Ye see that fence over there?" he says to the bartender. "Ah built it with me own two hands! Dug up the holes with me shovel, chopped doon the trees for the posts by me ownself, laid every last rail! But do they call me 'Angus the Fence-Builder?' No..."

He gulps down the whiskey and orders another wee dram. "Ye see that pier on the loch?" He continues, "Ah built it me ownself, too. Swam oot into the loch to lay the foondations, laid doon every single board! But do they call me "Angus the Pier-Builder?' No."

Another whiskey, and aulde Angus goes on, "That boat outside, lad, aye, built that meself too! Ah chopped doon the tree, dried and warped the wood, nailed it and tarred it with me bare hands! But do they call me Angus the Boat-Builder? No!"

"But ye fuck ONE sheep ..."
[xD]
[D;]
:mrgreen:
Edit: Substituted a string instrument for a French interjection.

:eng: :mrgreen: | :fra: [:)] | ASL [:S] | :deu: [:|] | :tan: [:(] | :nav: [:'(]
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Shemtov
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Re: Jokes

Post by Shemtov »

During the second World War, the Germans snuck a spy into Britain. They spent months training the spy to have aperfect British accent while speaking English.
So the spy walks into an English Bar, and orders a Martini. The Bartender asks him "Dry?"
The spy says "Nein, nein, Nicht Drei, Ein! Ein!

Q. According to Freud, what comes between Fear and Sex?
A. Funf!
Many children make up, or begin to make up, imaginary languages. I have been at it since I could write.
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Re: Jokes

Post by Ambrisio »

Have you ever tried using that in a conworld, maybe with different numbers? Like making "veeris" and "illys" (three and five in Kinuiltys) mean fear and sex in another language.
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Ànradh
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Re: Jokes

Post by Ànradh »

Shemtov wrote:During the second World War, the Germans snuck a spy into Britain. They spent months training the spy to have aperfect British accent while speaking English.
So the spy walks into an English Bar, and orders a Martini. The Bartender asks him "Dry?"
The spy says "Nein, nein, Nicht Drei, Ein! Ein!

Q. According to Freud, what comes between Fear and Sex?
A. Funf!
lol Oh, I'm stealing these. I have a friend who speaks a little German, so he might get them.
Sin ar Pàrras agus nì sinne mar a thogras sinn. Choisinn sinn e agus ’s urrainn dhuinn ga loisgeadh.
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Lambuzhao
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Re: Jokes

Post by Lambuzhao »

I like jokes,
but I think I like visual humor a little more.

Even simple ones like this can catch me off guard -

Image

The perfect retort caste-eraser for non-circles in Flatland, I ween.
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kiwikami
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Re: Jokes

Post by kiwikami »

German numeral jokes. Priceless.
Lambuzhao wrote:The perfect retort caste-eraser for non-circles in Flatland, I ween.
Heh. Heh heh. Indeed.
Edit: Substituted a string instrument for a French interjection.

:eng: :mrgreen: | :fra: [:)] | ASL [:S] | :deu: [:|] | :tan: [:(] | :nav: [:'(]
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Shrdlu
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Re: Jokes

Post by Shrdlu »

So this is this Geordie boy who's happens to be an servant of general Custer, so he goes out there to the battle with the entourage. The other day, on the line up for the battle - the boy is standing beside Custer and is holding the regiment's flag. Suddenly several large "thuds!" begins to roll out from the enemy camp.

When hearing this, Custer turns to the boy and says:
-"Listen, they got war drums!"
-"The thieving bastards!"
I kill threads!
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eldin raigmore
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Re: Jokes

Post by eldin raigmore »

Shrdlu wrote:So this is this Geordie boy who's happens to be an servant of general Custer, so he goes out there to the battle with the entourage. The other day, on the line up for the battle - the boy is standing beside Custer and is holding the regiment's flag. Suddenly several large "thuds!" begins to roll out from the enemy camp.

When hearing this, Custer turns to the boy and says:
-"Listen, they got war drums!"
-"The thieving bastards!"
So, even knowing that a Geordie is someone from Newcastle (the Newcastle across from Sunderland, rather than the other Newcastle), I don't get this.
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Ànradh
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Re: Jokes

Post by Ànradh »

eldin raigmore wrote:So, even knowing that a Geordie is someone from Newcastle (the Newcastle across from Sunderland, rather than the other Newcastle), I don't get this.
It makes sense only when you know that 'our drums' sounds like 'war drums' in said accent.
Viola!
Sin ar Pàrras agus nì sinne mar a thogras sinn. Choisinn sinn e agus ’s urrainn dhuinn ga loisgeadh.
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Re: Jokes

Post by ol bofosh »

Ànradh wrote:
eldin raigmore wrote:So, even knowing that a Geordie is someone from Newcastle (the Newcastle across from Sunderland, rather than the other Newcastle), I don't get this.
It makes sense only when you know that 'our drums' sounds like 'war drums' in said accent.
Viola!
Took be ten seconds longer than it should have. Lost the laughter in the intellectualising, but it is quite good.
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eldin raigmore
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Re: Jokes

Post by eldin raigmore »

Ànradh wrote:
eldin raigmore wrote:So, even knowing that a Geordie is someone from Newcastle (the Newcastle across from Sunderland, rather than the other Newcastle), I don't get this.
It makes sense only when you know that 'our drums' sounds like 'war drums' in said accent.
Viola!
OK, now I get it, and now I think it's funny. I'm only smiling instead of laughing, but that's because it had to be explained to me. I think it's a good one.
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Re: Jokes

Post by Alessio »

This is actually a quite simple and stupid joke, but it came to my mind and I wanted to share it with you. Here is what a wife says to her husband, who is waiting for his meal.

Amore, ti servo?

This Italian sentence means "Darling, do you want me to serve you [the meal]?".
The fact is that "ti" can be both a dative pronoun and an accusative pronoun (we don't have cases, it's to make you understand better), and the verb "servire" means "to serve [a meal]" but also "to be useful". Thus this sentence can mean "Darling, am I useful to you?" (a bit less strong than "do you need me?").
The husband answers:

Sì, a volte.

Meaning: yes, sometimes.
:ita: :eng: [:D] | :fra: :esp: :rus: [:)] | :con: Hecathver, Hajás, Hedetsūrk, Darezh...

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eldin raigmore
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Re: Jokes

Post by eldin raigmore »

A bit like "How to Serve Man".
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