Jokes

What can I say? It doesn't fit above, put it here. Also the location of board rules/info.
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Shemtov
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Re: Jokes

Post by Shemtov »

Another Chelm Joke:
A Jew from Chelm bought a new chair for his living room. When he got home, the chair was to large for his door. Another saw him and said "your bedroom window is big enough"
"It's too high up"
"No problem. We break the chair into pieces and throw them through the window!"
Many children make up, or begin to make up, imaginary languages. I have been at it since I could write.
-JRR Tolkien
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Re: Jokes

Post by Creyeditor »

I like this one [:D]
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Re: Jokes

Post by Shemtov »

An Afghan, an Albanian, an Algerian, an American, an Andorran, an Angolan, an Antiguan, an Argentine, an Armenian, an Australian, an Austrian, an Azerbaijani, a Bahamian, a Bahraini, a Bangladeshi, a Barbadian, a Barbudans, a Batswanan, a Belarusian, a Belgian, a Belizean, a Beninese, a Bhutanese, a Bolivian, a Bosnian, a Brazilian, a Brit, a Bruneian, a Bulgarian, a Burkinabe, a Burmese, a Burundian, a Cambodian, a Cameroonian, a Canadian, a Cape Verdean, a Central African, a Chadian, a Chilean, a Chinese, a Colombian, a Comoran, a Congolese, a Costa Rican, a Croatian, a Cuban, a Cypriot, a Czech, a Dane, a Djibouti, a Dominican, a Dutchman, an East Timorese, an Ecuadorean, an Egyptian, an Emirian, an Equatorial Guinean, an Eritrean, an Estonian, an Ethiopian, a Fijian, a Filipino, a Finn, a Frenchman, a Gabonese, a Gambian, a Georgian, a German, a Ghanaian, a Greek, a Grenadian, a Guatemalan, a Guinea-Bissauan, a Guinean, a Guyanese, a Haitian, a Herzegovinian, a Honduran, a Hungarian, an I-Kiribati, an Icelander, an Indian, an Indonesian, an Iranian, an Iraqi, an Irishman, an Israeli, an Italian, an Ivorian, a Jamaican, a Japanese, a Jordanian, a Kazakhstani, a Kenyan, a Kittian and Nevisian, a Kuwaiti, a Kyrgyz, a Laotian, a Latvian, a Lebanese, a Liberian, a Libyan, a Liechtensteiner, a Lithuanian, a Luxembourger, a Macedonian, a Malagasy, a Malawian, a Malaysian, a Maldivan, a Malian, a Maltese, a Marshallese, a Mauritanian, a Mauritian, a Mexican, a Micronesian, a Moldovan, a Monacan, a Mongolian, a Moroccan, a Mosotho, a Motswana, a Mozambican, a Namibian, a Nauruan, a Nepalese, a New Zealander, a Nicaraguan, a Nigerian, a Nigerien, a North Korean, a Northern Irishman, a Norwegian, an Omani, a Pakistani, a Palauan, a Panamanian, a Papua New Guinean, a Paraguayan, a Peruvian, a Pole, a Portuguese, a Qatari, a Romanian, a Russian, a Rwandan, a Saint Lucian, a Salvadoran, a Samoan, a San Marinese, a Sao Tomean, a Saudi, a Scottish, a Senegalese, a Serbian, a Seychellois, a Sierra Leonean, a Singaporean, a Slovakian, a Slovenian, a Solomon Islander, a Somali, a South African, a South Korean, a Spaniard, a Sri Lankan, a Sudanese, a Surinamer, a Swazi, a Swede, a Swiss, a Syrian, a Tajik, a Tanzanian, a Togolese, a Tongan, a Trinidadian or Tobagonian, a Tunisian, a Turk, a Tuvaluan, a Ugandan, a Ukrainian, a Uruguayan, a Uzbekistani, a Venezuelan, a Vietnamese, a Welshman, a Yemenite, a Zambian and a Zimbabwean

all go to a bar…

The doorman stops them and says sorry I can’t let you in without a Thai.
Many children make up, or begin to make up, imaginary languages. I have been at it since I could write.
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eldin raigmore
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Re: Jokes

Post by eldin raigmore »

[:D] [:D] [:D]
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All4Ɇn
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Re: Jokes

Post by All4Ɇn »

Here's a German one I just thought up:
Wie weiß man, dass Hunde sehr gute Architekten sind?
Weil sie immer „Bau, wow“ sagen!


Here's a slightly different English translation:
How do you know that dogs are great architects?
Because they always say "roof roof"
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Re: Jokes

Post by Dormouse559 »

French newspaper Le Figaro posted on Facebook about how Sophie Turner, who played the character Sansa on "Game of Thrones", once separated from her now-husband. And the caption has a cute pun in it. It reads:
L'actrice de Game of Thrones a brièvement vécu... Sansa moitié 😎
Which translates literally as: "The Game of Thrones actress briefly lived … Sansa half".

But Sansa is pronounced /sɑ̃sa/ in French, which sounds just like sans sa "without his/her/its". So when you say the sentence out loud, it means: "The Game of Thrones actress briefly lived … without her better half".
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Re: Jokes

Post by Dormouse559 »

What does a French swimmer say when someone gets them angry?

You're piscine me off!
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Re: Jokes

Post by Dormouse559 »

Someone made a dirty pun about the bread I was kneading. It was a dough ball entendre!
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Re: Jokes

Post by Dormouse559 »

My latest attempt at a bad pun in French.

Qu'est-ce qu'elles ont de si impressionant, les nuits où Maman n'arrive pas à s'endormir ?

La mère veille !


Literal translation:
What's so impressive about the nights when Mom can't sleep?

The mother stays awake!




Vous saisissez ? [:D] It's funny because "La mère veille" sounds the same as "La merveille" (the marvel/wonder). Alright, I'll see myself out. Time for bed.
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eldin raigmore
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Aptotes?

Post by eldin raigmore »

In “I’m gonna make you an offer you can’t refuse”,
Is “offer” an aptote? A noun without case? Without declension?
A non-declinable noun?


[;)]
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Re: Aptotes?

Post by Salmoneus »

Haven't we discussed before the possibility of putting your puns either into a dedicated pun thread, or into the general conversation thread or something?

With respect, I'm not sure what continued conversation you think might be generated by this. Everyone is either going to say "oh, that's a pun" or "oh, I don't get the pun", and that's it. Even if people find it really hilarious, I'm not sure it really needs its own thread dedicated to it.

But maybe I'm wrong.

While we're at it, though, I'd suggest that generally jokes are both more amusing, and less confusing for those who don't know it's a joke, if you cast them in a more conventional set-up/punchline structure, rather than pretending that they're linguistics questions. Generally, if people have to actively go looking for the joke, they don't find it as funny as if they walk right into it. That's why it's called a "punchline", not a "buriedintheundergrowthline".

To explain what I mean, consider the most famous music hall joke, told as you would tell it:

"If a person's wife decided to visit the Linguanea plain on vacation, would this trigger ergative marking in a language with an active-stative typology?"

It's not as catchy.



EDIT: thank you for putting it in Everything Else at least this time, though. Unfortunately, many people I imagine browse updated threads through the 'Main Board' option, which makes it less immediately obvious which forum something is in, if you're not on the lookout.
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Re: Aptotes?

Post by elemtilas »

eldin raigmore wrote: 08 Aug 2020 15:11 In “I’m gonna make you an offer you can’t refuse”,
Is “offer” an aptote? A noun without case? Without declension?
A non-declinable noun?


[;)]
Ah!

I get it now -- an eldiniferarriferous pun if ever there was one!

I believe it was in Act III of C. Marius Puteoli's Causa Nostra, where Aptotes Corona Leonis utters the famous line offero ti conditio non potes refusare.

Pretty sure that was just Aptotes being all uneducated. Am pretty sure Fontanus would have expected "conditionem", and might have cited several up to date grammarians that could back him up on the matter. Thought quite probably not directly to Corona Leonis's face. It ought to be noted, however, that at the end of Act IX, Aptotes ends up fully declined in the garden of his villa.
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Re: Aptotes?

Post by Pabappa »

there is a thread for jokes alraeady: viewtopic.php?f=3&t=2014

perhaps it's not used much becxause people are afraid of the "crickets" if they post a joke that either nobody else gets or just happens to miss its mark. also maybe you derive some pleasure from the element of surprise here, where we dont know your post is a pun until we finish reading it and think "wait... what?" You lose that if you post in a thread explicitly labeled for jokes, but you could still at least change the title of the post so that people like me who browse "New Posts" wouldnt notice it was the jokes thread.
\
edit: hmm, i guess i was wrong ... even browsing "new posts" shows thread titles, not post titles ... well, i dont know, but its not up to me anyway, I just had an idea.
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Re: Aptotes?

Post by Salmoneus »

Cor, not Corona, surely. Although in any case it would be a folk etymology.
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Re: Aptotes?

Post by elemtilas »

Salmoneus wrote: 08 Aug 2020 18:49 Cor, not Corona, surely. Although in any case it would be a folk etymology.
Ah, you are indeed correct! Loeb's Mob Classics of Ancient Siculia does indeed show Cor.
Last edited by elemtilas on 16 Aug 2020 06:35, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Jokes

Post by Linguifex »

If the Pope were to do something unusually, would that make it an unorthodox way of doing things?
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Re: Jokes

Post by Dormouse559 »

So I got a new job, but it's a little unusual. Every night at midnight I go out into the fields and transform cattle into terrible monsters. (I'd ask my employer why, but he works remotely from some place called R'lyeh.) Anyway, I don't do this all alone; there are people who help me complete the job. At first, I wasn't sure what to call them, but then the perfect word came to me: Now, I'm proud to call them my "coworkers".
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Re: Jokes

Post by Khemehekis »

When I talk to Mom about computer manufacturing all day, I make my motherboard.
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Some Byrds

Post by eldin raigmore »

A Garuda, a Phoenix, a Roc, and a Simurgh, all walk into a bar together.
What happens next?
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Re: Some Byrds

Post by Salmoneus »

Again, can't the jokes just go in a joke thread? And in Everything Else, rather than in C&C?
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