A poem

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Arayaz
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A poem

Post by Arayaz »

While I was picking up my axe
The old man said to me:
"Your fight will not heal you."
I did not speak.
As the fire shrank,
The sky became dark.
Forever I will ponder what he said.

────────────────────────────────────────

The point of this is to work out how poetry works in your conlang. For example, Śkalaźwë (the language whose conpeople wrote this poem) poetry is based on lines of two words each: one noun and one verb. So:

:con: Śkalaźwë

Nayezwa dhoʎviześ
Sibhëś śkayiŋ
"Ġoigeumvë pujhifkeŋeuc"
Xuʎëc śkaviz
Nrois wicëzviŋeś
Xandruźu bëɣazviŋ
Cuzigo vëźvekeześ
Ŋaixwaf śʎelkez


Gloss:
Spoiler:
1sg-axe pick.up-IMPF-PST-1sg-while
man-AUG say-PERF-PST-3sg
2sg-fight heal-IMPF-FUT-3sg-2sg-NEG
anything-NEG say-IMPF-PST-1sg
fire small-become-IMPF-PST-3sg-while
be.above-what.is-1pl [i.e. sky] black-become-IMPF-PST-3sg
day-COLL be.in-IMPF-FUT-1sg-while
3sg-statement ponder-HABIT-FUT-1sg
Translation challenge: 11% [I know I'm lagging behind in the challenge, especially being the creator...]
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Re: A poem

Post by Khemehekis »

Kankonia is such a broad culture that the Kankonian language has developed many different poetry forms.

One Kankonian form of poetry is the philhigolfash. ("Phil" is the Ciladian word for eight, and "higol" means to return, so: eight-returner.) The first line has eight syllables; the next six lines have sixteen syllables each; and the number of syllables returns to eight in the last line:

Av mimi hesias ad is
Wan rezimas openg wan im waherar fuiras trisha* fas
Fas azid wir hauesen spyu zhiwir mos gotapis na is
Rei wir ailisen kalui, am rei argas insitz aen

Umbe is payoas hous blatzas azid wan fuiras trisha*
Yerat is dash kashositrihias shemebetes na foerd
Na gasi bulush ye ad dege id em id omen na wan
Er mimi fuiras e meshas?


Translation:

When Mom speaks to me
She sounds as if she wants frett-ngly to bring something back
Something we knew between us during my childhood
Then we lived together, but then there was much conflict

Now I think about the days she wants to bring back
Immediately I just think back to the power relationships
Of looking down to avoid seeing her face
Why does Mom want to be my friend?

(In the above poem, fuiras is pronounced as two syllables, and na is as two separate syllables.)

A palindromic poem, or palindroem (tesasuya in Kankonian), is a poem in which the first line is the same as the last line, the second line is the same as the penultimate line, the third line is the same as the antepenultimate line, and so on. Palindroems may either have an odd number of lines (with one line in the center) or an even number of lines (with one line twice in a row). Here is an odd-lined palindroem:

Is heyess ovai id ayames er lates
Ayam huwos kuduas ash phukadri mos meshas kernan
Khil is ayames as haug
Is novoss khil ayam mos wan hushupas ab ratem
Khil is ayames as haug
Ayam huwos kuduas ash phukadri mos meshas kernan
Is heyess ovai id ayames er lates


Translation:

I like watching owls on the streets
A barn owl perches on a phykadri, looking stern
Catching owls is fun
I try to catch the owl as it swoops down from the ratem
Catching owls is fun
A barn owl perches on a phykadri, looking stern
I like watching owls on the streets

I'd have to think about which genre of poetry the Kankonians would use for your poem.
♂♥♂♀

Squirrels chase koi . . . chase squirrels

My Kankonian-English dictionary: 92,000 words and counting

31,416: The number of the conlanging beast!
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Re: A poem

Post by Arayaz »

My guess would be the first one, considering that the theme of the poem has do do with change, and the tesasuya loops back on itself.
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Re: A poem

Post by Iyionaku »

Yélian is famous for a poetry form called catyiruyasé, or literally "staircase poem". It starts with one word in the first line, then two words, then three words, and so on, before the last line is one word again. In theory, the length of the lines can be infinite, but the most common scheme is 1-2-3-4-5-1 for a single poem. For bigger works, the highest number might increase and decrease continuously, i.e. having a six-stanza poem with the stanza forms of 12341-123451-1234561-1234561-123451-12341.

Now when translating a poem from one language to another, I generally think it's best to preserve the structure of the original poem as well as possible, but as you stated it's about showing off poetry from their own language, I will take your poem and shift it to the Yélian structure as well as possible. Let's see:

:con: Yélian

U'boro
Rat linpesut
Broyapuʻat rat yibicet:
»Sao blod sat ciroutet«
Cibicai fum to naku fadatanut.
U'vendo yairacbocet èpa carat yaidésquinrai pi
Romanai ocúrutas can to matayan èpa robarcai
Neyevalta.


The axe
It was picked up by me
An old man told me:
"Your fight will not heal you!"
I did not speak while the fire shrank.
The sky turned dark and I already knew that
I will think on and on about his words and I will ask myself
Forever.
Wipe the glass. This is the usual way to start, even in the days, day and night, only a happy one.
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Re: A poem

Post by Arayaz »

Iyionaku wrote: 07 Jul 2023 13:40 :con: Yélian

U'boro
Rat linpesut
Broyapuʻat rat yibicet:
»Sao blod sat ciroutet«
Cibicai fum to naku fadatanut.
U'vendo yairacbocet èpa carat yaidésquinrai pi
Romanai ocúrutas can to matayan èpa robarcai
Neyevalta.


The axe
It was picked up by me
An old man told me:
"Your fight will not heal you!"
I did not speak while the fire shrank.
The sky turned dark and I already knew that
I will think on and on about his words and I will ask myself
Forever.
Wow! I love this style too.
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Re: A poem

Post by prettydragoon »

:con: Rireinutire

suo mano perina nokikiva
kana kave maha sunokiva hi~
[tano suyi tana momakasevo:]
puukiseva::

suo rei roroti sumikiva·
sosu kovakiva: koñe kakimu
ha sunokiva sakina hasiti
mimotukavo::


While I was picking up my axe
The old woman said to me:
"Your fight will not heal you."
I did not speak.

As the fire slowly shrank,
The sky became dark. All that
She said I will forever
Ponder.

suo mano perina nokikiva
/suo ˈmɑno ˈpeɹinɑ ˈnokikivɑ/
suo ma-no peri-na noki-ki-va
while.CONJ 1S-GEN axe-PTV pick.up-PST-SENS


kana kave maha sunokiva hi~
/ˈkɑnɑ ˈkɑve ˈmɑhɑ ˈsunokivɑ hi/
kana kave ma-ha suno-ki-va hi ||
old woman.NOM 1S-ADE say-PST-SENS that.QUO |


[tano suyi tana momakasevo:]
/ˈtɑno ˈsuji ˈtɑnɑ ˈmomɑkɑˌsevo/
ta-no suyi ta-na moma-ka-se-vo ||
2S-GEN fight.NOM 2S-PTV heal-PRS-NEG-INFR ||


puukiseva::
/ˈpuːkiˌsevɑ/
puu-ki-se-va ||
speak-PST-NEG-SENS ||


suo rei roroti sumikiva·
/suo ɹei ˈɹoɹoti ˈsumikivɑ/
suo rei roro-ti sumi-ki-va |
while.CONJ fire.NOM slow-ADVZ shrink-PST-SENS |


sosu kovakiva: koñe kakimu
/ˈsosu ˈkovɑkivɑ || ˈkoŋe ˈkɑkimu/
sosu kova-ki-va || koñe kaki-mu
sky.NOM darken-PST-SENS || all what.R-ACC


ha sunokiva sakina hasiti
/hɑ ˈsunokivɑ ˈsɑkinɑ ˈhɑsiti/
ha suno-ki-va saki-na hasi-ti
3S.R.NOM say-PST-SENS that-PTV forever-ADVZ


mimotukavo::
/ˈmimotukɑvo/
mimotu-ka-vo ||
ponder-PRS-INFR ||


Translation challenge 65/100
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What is this, how you say, Rireinutire?
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Re: A poem

Post by Batz »

I liked the poem so I tried to translate it and include some rhymes as well. You probably have never heard of that conlang before, but maybe you'll find it interesting [:)]

:con: Naguil

Anarun logan eldilbei,
andaran lavuen undéi:
"Aivinge oguvean y argái."
Eogavil ymái.

Nun ensige mil poruil,
Edhennen mil kormuil,
Onornun pao eolandean enniá unsumbil.


:eng: English (literal translation):

In the moment picking up my axe,
the old, wise man said:
"Your fight will not heal you."
I did not reply anymore.

When the fire became weak,
the sky became dark.
Until eternity I will think about what he said.

------------------
The deeper explanation / gloss of the words below:
Spoiler:

Naguil
/'naːgwil/

A-nar-un log-an el-dilb-ei,
/a'naːrun 'loːgan ɛl'diɫbɛi/
ART-moment-TMP pick.up-PTCP 1sg-axe-ACC (TMP is a temporal case)
In the moment picking up my axe

an-dar-an lav-uen un-dei-Ø:
/an'daːran 'laːvwən un'dɛːi/
ART-man-NOM old/wise-ADJ.NOM 3sg.M/F-say-PST
The old, wise man said:

"Ai-ving-e o-guv-ean y ar-gai."
/aj'viŋgə o'guːvɛɐn yː ar'gaːi/
2sg-fight-NOM 3sg.N-heal-FUT NEG 2sg-ACC
Your fight will heal not you

Eo-gav-il y-mai.
/ɛɔ'gaːvil y'maːi/
1sg-answer-PST NEG-again
I answered not anymore

Nun en-sig-e mil por-uil,
/nun ɛn'ziːgə mil 'pʰɔːrwil/
when ART-fire-NOM become.PST old/worn-ADJ.LOC
When the fire became old and weak

E-dhenn-en mil korm-uil,
/ɛ'ðɛnːən mil 'kʰɔːrmwil/
ART-sky-NOM become.PST dark-ADJ.LOC
The sky became dark

O-norn-un pao eo-land-ean en-nia-Ø un-sumb-il.
/o'nɔːrnum paw ɛɔ'landɛɐn ɛn'jaː un'zumbil/
ART-eternity-TMP down 1sg-think-FUT 3sg.N-what-ACC 3sg.M/F-speak-PST
Until eternity I will think about that/what he said
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Re: A poem

Post by Arayaz »

Batz wrote: 15 Aug 2023 01:22 I liked the poem so I tried to translate it and include some rhymes as well. You probably have never heard of that conlang before, but maybe you'll find it interesting [:)]

:con: Naguil

Anarun logan eldilbei,
andaran lavuen undéi:
"Aivinge oguvean y argái."
Eogavil ymái.

Nun ensige mil poruil,
Edhennen mil kormuil,
Onornun pao eolandean enniá unsumbil.


:eng: English (literal translation):

In the moment picking up my axe,
the old, wise man said:
"Your fight will not heal you."
I did not reply anymore.

When the fire became weak,
the sky became dark.
Until eternity I will think about what he said.

------------------
The deeper explanation / gloss of the words below:
Spoiler:

Naguil
/'naːgwil/

A-nar-un log-an el-dilb-ei,
/a'naːrun 'loːgan ɛl'diɫbɛi/
ART-moment-TMP pick.up-PTCP 1sg-axe-ACC (TMP is a temporal case)
In the moment picking up my axe

an-dar-an lav-uen un-dei-Ø:
/an'daːran 'laːvwən un'dɛːi/
ART-man-NOM old/wise-ADJ.NOM 3sg.M/F-say-PST
The old, wise man said:

"Ai-ving-e o-guv-ean y ar-gai."
/aj'viŋgə o'guːvɛɐn yː ar'gaːi/
2sg-fight-NOM 3sg.N-heal-FUT NEG 2sg-ACC
Your fight will heal not you

Eo-gav-il y-mai.
/ɛɔ'gaːvil y'maːi/
1sg-answer-PST NEG-again
I answered not anymore

Nun en-sig-e mil por-uil,
/nun ɛn'ziːgə mil 'pʰɔːrwil/
when ART-fire-NOM become.PST old/worn-ADJ.LOC
When the fire became old and weak

E-dhenn-en mil korm-uil,
/ɛ'ðɛnːən mil 'kʰɔːrmwil/
ART-sky-NOM become.PST dark-ADJ.LOC
The sky became dark

O-norn-un pao eo-land-ean en-nia-Ø un-sumb-il.
/o'nɔːrnum paw ɛɔ'landɛɐn ɛn'jaː un'zumbil/
ART-eternity-TMP down 1sg-think-FUT 3sg.N-what-ACC 3sg.M/F-speak-PST
Until eternity I will think about that/what he said
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