Tales From the Divine Plane

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Tales From the Divine Plane

Post by Chagen »

Yeah, I finally did this. I blame Micamo. Why? I dunno.

//////////////

If I could go back in time and tell my master to never make Aster—wait, I'm sorry: Noble Mechano-Hero of Craft Aster—I would. You simply can't trust a design from the Astral “Glories”. The Star – Rogues would rather build for aesthetics and beauty rather than practicality. Us Divine Automata were not humans—why should we replicate their bizarre bodies? Human flesh and bone collapse as soon as anything hits it. At least I have full confidence in my Raegon-Steel fiber armor's ability to endure blows. About the only good trait Aster had was his swordsmanship, but that puny chainsaber was still nothing to my bifurcated chain-zweihander.

Savior Vixen, however...she was an epitome of a Divine Automaton. A lithe and beautiful girl wrought from pure argent steel with haunting ruby eyes. I couldn't help but stare at her as Aster ran his metal mouth.

“The hell you doin'? You've been staring at Vix' for like an hour now, you crazy grinder.” Aster gave me a sneer, his red eyes glowing. “Don't get any weird ideas, now. You'd probably crush her with all that armor plating.”

I clenched my fists and felt my weapons systems come on for only but a split second. This fucking onyx bastard with his ungodly ugly white circuitry-tattoos was gonna call me “crazy”? “You Star-rogue-born prettyboy...” The gears in my body emitted a low grinding noise as they whirred to life.

“Sheesh, you whirr even for a twitch.” He dinged my red armor plates with a light punch, a dull metallic ring reverberating through the air. “You're never going to be stealthy as long as you cover yourself up with a fuckin' ton of armor. Haven't you heard of miniaturization?” The smirk on his face was so smug it was inhuman. Granted, we were all inhuman.

“Guys...” Vixen brought both of us to our senses. She was an interesting specimen, alright. Even more lithe than Aster, she possessed an excellent sense of hearing with the fox-ear augments on her head. Behind her swung nine thin tails of steel rope that danced around as convincingly as any real fox's. Connected to her back were nine chainsaws, each for a particular tail. She was never meant for heavy combat, but even I had to be impressed when she was swinging around all nine of them with such dexterity that she never hit herself. And to think she was originally going to be nothing more than a concubine for our master... “Aster, Atlas...”

I stepped back and sighed. “Fine. I'll put up with him yet again, if only for your sake.” I cursed this woman's ability to make me back down. I also felt quite a bit of heat building up uncomfortably underneath my armor, so I released its latches, the plates extending away with a soft whirr and spewing hot steam underneath. This was about the only time anyone else could see my defenseless “skin”, a sinew of onyx raegon-steel and fuel lines pumping glowing Divinity to my various internals. I quickly retracted them.

“I don't get the problem. Some of us don't have to carry around a literal ton of armor. We're also not 7 feet tall and have arms the width of a log.” Aster showed no signs of ever relenting on his smug sidereal superiority-complex. “Whatever, let's just get this mission on, I need to show some human girls--”

“I'm scanning the area.” I interrupted, sparing both me and Vixen his puerile tales. We were in a dense forest, thick fog blanketing the area. Massive trees dotted the uneven terrain, their leaves covering the already dim sky. The humidity clung to my armor in annoying droplets that seeped into my components. My eyes could already give me some basic information: I detected 80% humidity, and that the area contained no sign of human activity. To make sure, I switched to thermal vision. No human-like figures appeared, only the cold blue hues of the forest and the burning hot reds of my companions—though all that told me was that no one was using non-divine ways of concealing themselves. “This forest hasn't been touched in a while.”

“Really?” Vixen asked, her claw-like fingers smoothly gliding over a tree trunk. “Surely there has to be something here, or our master wouldn't have sent us?”

Aster snorted. “That shithead loves to send us on useless errands while he screws around with his friends. Let's make sure...” He walked ahead of me, brandishing his chainsaber as it screamed to life. The chains on that sword were capable of rending reality itself. No human could grasp them without damn near shaking their skeleton apart, but they were common gear for nearly any Divine Automata. “Just give me the call.”

“Wait a minute, will you?” Retracting both my hands into my arms, I decided to try scanning for Divinity. If any unusually-dense pockets were around, that would definitely provide some evidence. Out of my arms came two laser scanners, massive bulky models that both Aster and Vixen would have no room for. My stature was useful, regardless of what that effeminate idiot said. With a spinning whirr, I set them to work and routed my vision to their sensors.

A massive pure white blinded me instantly. I had barely any time before the sensors automatically set their sensitivity low if only to prevent themselves from burning out. “Argh! Damn!” My head was ringing as the data overload strained my processors to their limits.

“What's wrong?!” I felt Vixen's cold fingers on my shoulders.

“Nothing, just...this place is absolutely soaked in Divinity. Someone has been letting off a lot of power here.” I looked around the area. No matter where my sensors directed themselves, the area was awash in the limpid glow of Divinity. It was also highly ordered—bouts of passion and power tend to result in Divinity spewed everywhere with little rhyme or reason, but this Divinity was arranged into many geometric and intersecting lines. “We're definitely dealing with some kind of sorcery here.”

“Sorcery? Who the fuck goes all the way out here just to do some sorcery? You mean we walked 50 miles just to see that some Hellspawn is dicking around in a forest?”

“The fact that Hellspawn could be out here is cause enough for worry.”

“Sheesh, let's get out of here--”

My own reaction time is flawed. Even I will admit it. In a split second, I saw Aster leap into the air. As soon as he left my sight a massive clash and the sickening sound of grinding metal blasted through the air. Sparks rained from above like tiny comets, and I barely had any time to leap out of the way as Aster and his unknown combatant slammed into the ground hard enough to make a crater; dirt and rocks spewed everywhere and pounded my armor. I skidded on the ground for a few feet, the dirt underneath giving way to my weight and my balance not particularly good. Vixen was completely motionless, her eyes glowing brightly in shock.

Inside the crater, Aster had his chainsaber tight to the neck of his enemy. She was a Hellspawn, a twisted human who had willingly sold their own soul to Hell in the quest for power. Her eyes were a pure dark black with white pupils, and her skin was covered in pulsating veins of subjugated Divinity, straining as if it were chained. It glowed sickening shades of dark red, snaking all up and down her face and over her black-and-gold armor like a demonic parasite. “Who the hell are you?!” He seemed like an entirely different Automaton, his white circuitry-tattoos now strongly defined against his body.

“Why should I tell some metal pet that?” She laughed and pushed away the saber like it was nothing. With a swift kick to his chest, she stunned Aster long enough to rise to her feet—I could see that she had an onyx cape as well as armor—and deck him with a punch. Her speed was simply astounding despite that massively thick plate armor. The punch impacted him in the chest so hard I could detect a sonic boom, and he flew off her fist and smashed into a tree. It broke without the slightest resistance into a flurry of splinters and slowly fell onto the forest floor with a deafening dull drone.

“Aster!” Even Aster shouldn't have taken that much damage from a single punch. “You okay?!”

“Think less about your friend--” That woman jeered in disgust. “--and more about your opponent!” She flew forward with that blinding speed again, transforming into a blur of black and gold. I had no time to react. A massive kick slammed into my chest with such force that I skidded back several yards, the impact flying through all of my body as if my armor hadn't been there at all. It took all of my concentration not to lose my balance. My feet had dug deep trenches in the dirt from my weight.

“ARRRGH! What the hell...?!” I looked down. My armor plating had a massive dent in it. This woman just kicked me like my armor wasn't there at all and sent me flying. My pain receptors were going into overdrive, but I shut them down. A quick overview of my systems showed that nothing was damaged, but she had been dangerously close to rupturing my Divinity reservoirs and that a few of my weapons systems had taken some knocks. That would be the last time I placed a Martial Engine inside my chest...dammit.

“Hahaha, I can't believe Julius didn't want to meet me in person!” She clapped insultingly and laughed like a maniac. “Instead he sends his metallic pets to greet me. That's rude, Julius. I'm going to have to break your little toys now. I hope your daddy can build some new ones.”

“I'm no toy, you fucking wench!” In rage I grabbed the massive zweihander on my back and brandished it. It was nearly my size—7 feet long and with well over 10,000 steel teeth. “I am Ever-Supporting Atlas, Divine Automaton of the Heavenborn of Harmony, Julius! Do you really want to pick a fight with me, especially with my companions here?” I took a glance over at Vixen. Already, she was in battle position, her nine tails each grasping a chainsaw. I unleashed the motor of my own chainsword. The blade instantly came to life, the teeth gnashing and grinding in a massive roar that echoed throughout the entire forest. I could feel the weapon shaking violently in my hands, the torque so strong it could bend metal. But I was made of no ordinary metal.

“You...showy...fuck...” Aster leaped to my side and came down with the suppleness that only a Starmech could provide. His metallic skin was far more dented and beat-up than mine, a slight gash even showing up. “Don't hog all the fun!”

“Alright, don't screw this-”

Before I could finish Aster decided to be as Aster as he possibly could be and lunged at the Hellspawn like a snake. She seemed to have no reaction even as he raised his sword and slashed straight through her arm. The nauseating sound of crunching bone and rent flesh coincided with her arm bursting into a massive cloud of gore and crimson blood. Aster smiled as he skidded and reversed his direction after the hit. “Hah, a direct hit—huh?”

The woman showed no sign of pain or even distress whatsoever. Indeed, she was smiling. And the blood flowing from her arm refused to hit the ground, floating in the air despite all logic and sanity.

“What the hell...?”

She smirked. In an instant, the blood cloud rushed back and reformed itself into the shape of her arm against her bloody stump. Then, with a flash, the same twisted Divinity that snaked up and down her armor wrapped itself around this arm of blood. When the flash subsided, her arm was back to normal—as if Aster had never even touched it.

“Well, I see my latest spell has worked. Now, I just have to deal with you three...”

////////

Ridiculously long compared to Micamo and Elmitas' works--I dunno if that's a good or bad thing.

And wow, Vixen does like NOTHING lmao
Nūdenku waga honji ma naku honyasi ne ika-ika ichamase!
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Re: Tales From the Divine Plane

Post by Micamo »

Chagen wrote:And wow, Vixen does like NOTHING lmao
Yeah, she's basically a lamp. I'd throw her out and work another lady in, preferrably without dooming her from the very start with a name like "Vixen."
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Re: Tales From the Divine Plane

Post by Chagen »

Well, she is basically a robot foxgirl. A robot kyuubi kitsune, more specifically. If I write another story with these three I'll make sure to give her some more screentime, this was written in a blur.
Nūdenku waga honji ma naku honyasi ne ika-ika ichamase!
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Honyasi zō honyasi ma naidasu.
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Re: Tales From the Divine Plane

Post by Micamo »

Chagen wrote:Well, she is basically a robot foxgirl. A robot kyuubi kitsune, more specifically. If I write another story with these three I'll make sure to give her some more screentime, this was written in a blur.
If? This story cuts off with no proper resolution, I assumed it was the start of a series.
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Re: Tales From the Divine Plane

Post by Chagen »

No, actually... It was meant more to be a snapshot into the world. I mean, I could continue it, but these are meant to be disparate short stories and drabbles.
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Re: Tales From the Divine Plane

Post by gestaltist »

I liked it. I don't feel like you have to finish this exact snippet, but maybe another story with Julius' reaction to the aftermath would be nice.
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Re: Tales From the Divine Plane

Post by cntrational »

"Vixen", ew

I suggest Mąʼiiłitsooí as a better name.
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Re: Tales From the Divine Plane

Post by Chagen »

cntrational wrote:"Vixen", ew

I suggest Mąʼiiłitsooí as a better name.
I think you guys are missing something.

Vixen is not a human. She's a robot with an artificial soul. She was built solely to be a concubine to be fucked by her creator and still is, indeed, a concubine. It's merely that ALL Divine Automata are good at combat that she does anything else. Divine Automata tend to have flowery and over-the-top names. It's just a thing of the setting.

Anyway, I'm working on another story.
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Re: Tales From the Divine Plane

Post by gestaltist »

Chagen wrote: ALL Divine Automata are good at combat
Why?
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Re: Tales From the Divine Plane

Post by Chagen »

They were built for war originally and are super-powered Divine robots built with materials that vastly outstrip any real materials.

They are technically Ascended and therefore are pretty much Robot Demigods.
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Re: Tales From the Divine Plane

Post by Micamo »

There's a difference between a character getting treated like a piece of sexmeat by the other characters, and getting treated like sexmeat by the writer.
gestaltist wrote:Why?
Giant explosion-filled battles For The Fate Of The Multiverse are one of the conceits of the Divine Plane. The setting is optimized to facilitate those for the same reasons Tazar is optimized for tragic stories about little girls who slowly starve to death and/or are eaten by monsters.
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Re: Tales From the Divine Plane

Post by Chagen »

Micamo wrote:There's a difference between a character getting treated like a piece of sexmeat by the other characters, and getting treated like sexmeat by the writer.
I'm not sure what you mean...?

Giant explosion-filled battles For The Fate Of The Multiverse are one of the conceits of the Divine Plane. The setting is optimized to facilitate those
Well, it's not just battles. The Divine Plane is about epic stories in general, really.
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Re: Tales From the Divine Plane

Post by Micamo »

Chagen wrote:I'm not sure what you mean...?
I think you guys are missing something.

Vixen is not a human. She's a robot with an artificial soul. She was built solely to be a concubine to be fucked by her creator and still is, indeed, a concubine. It's merely that ALL Divine Automata are good at combat that she does anything else.
^
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Re: Tales From the Divine Plane

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Okay, I'm really stupid, and I really don't get what you mean. I mean, yeah, she's a concubine, but I didn't really treat her like "sexmeat". The main problem was that she did nothing.
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Re: Tales From the Divine Plane

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Chagen wrote:Okay, I'm really stupid, and I really don't get what you mean. I mean, yeah, she's a concubine, but I didn't really treat her like "sexmeat". The main problem was that she did nothing.
I think what Micamo might have meant is that you didn’t really show her to us like you did the other characters. We learned about the personality of Aster a lot, but we didn’t really learn anything about Vixen’s. You didn’t show us her feelings. Even if a character doesn’t do anything, they still perceive, feel, react somehow. Was Vixen petrified with fear of the Hellspawn? Was she feeling like she wasn’t as good as the other guys? We don’t know.
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Re: Tales From the Divine Plane

Post by Micamo »

The only device used to inform us about Vixen's character is the men's reactions to her (problematic in and of itself). But their only reaction is "Dam gurl u r seksay thang", which just makes things worse.
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Re: Tales From the Divine Plane

Post by Chagen »

Okay, yeah, I can get that. I think I'll write a story with her as the main focus.

[quote="Micamo"]The only device used to inform us about Vixen's character is the men's reactions to her (problematic in and of itself). But their only reaction is "Dam gurl u r seksay thang", which just makes things worse.[/quote

Okay, yeah, I fucked that up. Sorry.

wow this has become a complete disaster >_>
Nūdenku waga honji ma naku honyasi ne ika-ika ichamase!
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Re: Tales From the Divine Plane

Post by gestaltist »

[quote=„Chagen"]
wow this has become a complete disaster >_>[/quote]
Nah.

You did say you wrote it „in a blur“. A piece of writing is rarely good if it didn’t go through numerous revisions.
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Re: Tales From the Divine Plane

Post by Chagen »

gestaltist wrote: Nah.

You did say you wrote it „in a blur“. A piece of writing is rarely good if it didn’t go through numerous revisions.
Well, yeah. The fact that I put this out reflects somewhat badly on me.

In any case, I'm cutting my losses and writing a new story that focuses on Vixen.
Last edited by Chagen on 08 Jul 2015 01:07, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Tales From the Divine Plane

Post by Micamo »

A little dose of self-critical attitude is healthy: You have to recognize your failures before you can learn and grow from them. The worst writers are the ones who think that they're really really good, and can't see the flaws in their own work no matter how much they're pointed out to them. (*coughELJamescough* *coughStephanieMyerscough*, *coughTerryGoodkindcough*)
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