Jokes

[Squall]

Yes, I do not speak Castilian, then I used the Portuguese dubbed version.
Se tu preferes ver me hablando portuñol... :D

Dubbing Castilian to Portuguese is not a challenge, unlike many jokes in The Simpsons.

[Shemtov]

Awful linguistic jokes:
If you want to tell the difference between a regular person and a linguist, show them the /b/ boards. A normal person will say "these people are crazy 'cause they have all these sick fetishes". A linguist will say "these people are crazy 'cause they've made a whole forum celebrating voiced bilabial plosives."





There was once a theocracy; however, instead of punishing idol-worshipers and heretics corporeally or with jail time the High Priest put a tax on sin. One day, his officers knocked on a linguists door "Open up! We're here to calculate your sin tax!" "No need to calculate it; We speak English; It's SVO."

[Dormouse559]

There was once a theocracy; however, instead of punishing idol-worshipers and heretics corporeally or with jail time the High Priest put a tax on sin. One day, his officers knocked on a linguists door "Open up! We're here to calculate your sin tax!" "No need to calculate it; We speak English; It's SVO."

Haha! Me likey.

Here's one:
The French are so hardcore that they eat pain for breakfast.

[Shemtov]

The French chef had to be institutionalized because he lost the huile d'olive.



A Bilingual Hebrew-English joke:
Obama is the lightning president.
Explanation: [ba.ʁak] is Hebrew for lightning.

[ol bofosh]

What did the Spaniard say to the stoned dolphin?

"¡Flipas*, tío!" (You're out of your mind, dude)

*flipar=be out of one's mind and fliparse, get stoned; also reminds me of "flippers".

[Dormouse559]

"At school, we learn the simple past, but nothing about the complicated future."

"Passé simple/Simple past" is the name for French's literary past tense.

[prettydragoon]

In Japan, they have so many people in such a small area, they have brought specialisation to incredible extremes. For instance, they have special emergency rooms dedicated to hand injuries only.

So, if you hurt your hand in Japan, just follow the sign with Handakuten.

[Thrice Xandvii]

Wow... That's horrible, but great.

[Aevas]

So, if you hurt your hand in Japan, just follow the sign with Handakuten.

In Swedish, Handakuten would literally mean 'hand emergency room'.

[threecat]

A joke:
Heisenberg and Schroedinger go for a drive. After a while they are stopped by a cop. He says to Heisenberg 'Excuse me sir, do you know how fast you were driving?'
Heisenberg says 'No, but I know exactly where I was...'
The cop decides to search the car. He says to Schroedinger 'Did you know you have a dead cat in your trunk?'
Schroedinger says, 'Well, I do now...'
Is it funny?

[eldin raigmore]

A joke:
Heisenberg and Schroedinger go for a drive. After a while they are stopped by a cop. He says to Heisenberg 'Excuse me sir, do you know how fast you were driving?'
Heisenberg says 'No, but I know exactly where I was...'
The cop decides to search the car. He says to Schroedinger 'Did you know you have a dead cat in your trunk?'
Schroedinger says, 'Well, I do now...'
Is it funny?

Yes!

But where are the other two cats?

[Ànradh]

A joke:
Heisenberg and Schroedinger go for a drive. After a while they are stopped by a cop. He says to Heisenberg 'Excuse me sir, do you know how fast you were driving?'
Heisenberg says 'No, but I know exactly where I was...'
The cop decides to search the car. He says to Schroedinger 'Did you know you have a dead cat in your trunk?'
Schroedinger says, 'Well, I do now...'
Is it funny?

I'm totally stealing this.

[gach]

That is fairly traditional physics folklore. What about this:

- Today they had quark for dessert at the CERN cafeteria.
- Oh, what flavour was it?
- Strange.

And did you know that Wolfgang Pauli never got invited to a party?

[Creyeditor]

Is this the moment where I should ask: No, why?
If yes, I did. If not, I didn't.

[gach]

No, why?

His co-workers obeyed the Pauli exclusion principle.

[Creyeditor]

Good one

[eldin raigmore]

A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

[Thrice Xandvii]

A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

Are you sure he was dyslexic and not just heterosexual?

Or, if no one was wearing the bra, perhaps he was a transvestite? Or shopping for his wife? Or... man I really know how to ruin a joke!

[mbrsart]

Did you hear about the dyslexic devil-worshiper? He sold his soul to Santa.

[Click]

Did he get any presents for that?